Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling and no relationship is created between the show host or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emerg.
[00:00:41] Speaker B: It's 6:00 in time again for Brain Matters, the official radio show of the UA Counseling Center. We are broadcasting from the campus of the University of Alabama. Good evening. My name is Dr. B.J. guenther and I'm the host of the show along with my colleague and producer, Kathryn Howell. And in case you don't know, this show is about mental and physical health issues that affect college students and in particular UA students. So you can, you can listen to us each Tuesday night at 6pm on 90.7 FM or you can listen online at WVUAFM UA. Edu. You can also download apps to listen to us. My favorite one is MyTuner radio app and I just type in WVUAFM 90.7. Also, we are starting this is only our second show for the spring semester. We don't do shows in the summer. So I have several shows already planned for this semester. But I'm always asking for ideas for shows, whether it's the rest of this semester or when we start back in the fall. So if you're listening and you have some ideas for shows that we need to do or we haven't covered with regards to college mental health, email those to me@brain mattersradiobuafm ua.edu and I'll consider using your idea for a show topic. I'll try to remember. Kathryn helps me try to remember to give out the email when we come back from our breaks. So once again, that's Brain mattersradiobuafm ua Edu I think tonight. Excuse me. I'm a little bit under the weather, so my voice is a little bit weak. If it goes out, Katherine, you're gonna have to take over. Okay. I'm kidding. The topic tonight I think is one that we probably need to talk about at least every academic year, if not every semester that we're on the air. Because I feel like it seems like such a common sense topic that people really take for granted. And it's self care, it's realistic self care for college students and this is something that I talk about every day. I feel like in some capacity with students, whether it's sleep, whether it's diet, whether it's exercise. And I keep saying it's like common sense to think about this, but I feel like we all need reminders about how to take care of ourselves, especially in stressful times. So that's our topic tonight. The term self care gets tossed around a lot these days and it means different things to different people. It also often is code for things like massages, haircuts, or shopping for me getting my nails done.
But true self care is about more than just giving yourself a treat. And as a college student you're dealing with a lot at times. This can be physically, mentally, emotionally draining between classes, homework, homework activities and you know, building a new social life for yourself. But the secret to making sure these are your best years of your life is to make time for self care. And I know my guest agrees with me. She has had an interesting path to becoming a counselor and I'll let her explain that it's just too much to describe. Dr. Millie Dawson Hardy is my guest tonight. She's a fellow licensed professional counselor in private practice here in Tuscaloosa in the west Alabama area. But like I said, she has had extensive background with working with students from it sounds like all ages. Dr. Dawson, Arti.
[00:04:04] Speaker C: Hi.
I actually have worked with student, worked as a counselor for students from preschool through college age and at this point up until, you know, PhD college age.
So that's been very fortunate in my life that I've had.
[00:04:22] Speaker B: I meant to thank you for being on the show first and usually that's the leeway into, you know, you describing your path to becoming a counselor. So talk a little bit about your history. I'm interested in your background in art therapy.
[00:04:39] Speaker C: Okay.
Which I guess comes from my mom. My mom was an artist and so I was raised with crayons and scissors and watercolors and used them all my life. So I just always had them. And I at one time considered becoming an art teacher. In fact at one time I considered being an artist. And then in fact I was at Barry College when Tommy Mew was there who is a pretty well known artist at the time and enjoyed being able to take some classes there with Dr. Mew and some of the other faculty at Barry at the time. But I think my dad just couldn't handle having a daughter who was an artist.
[00:05:28] Speaker B: Was he worried?
[00:05:29] Speaker C: Was he worried quite handle that? And I think that if you look at Adler and his, his Thoughts about the family constellation and how we get these messages from our first social group, the family.
Our family always had an ethic of education. And I ended up, as I was looking to become an art educator rather than just an artist, and then ended up looking kind of into special ed. And then finally, that was the years, the beginning years of the idea Law, when special ed was. At that point, special ed was really in a separate school off the campus.
[00:06:12] Speaker B: Yes, I remember that when I was in school. Same thing we were when all us.
[00:06:17] Speaker C: Old women were in school.
[00:06:19] Speaker B: Speak for yourself. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
Back in 01 is what I usually say.
[00:06:26] Speaker C: Yes, back in the old days. But when they began to talk about moving kids from what were called training centers back then into the school building, I really thought that just a degree in education was going to do it, that I was still going to be able to with these kids that had need. So I've always been interested in working with kids who had needs or people who had needs.
And so that's what kind of led down the path to becoming a teacher. So I started out as a teacher and. And then I started really looking at where my kids were struggling and they were struggling with, like, reading.
So I decided to go into reading education and started a master's in reading education.
The more I worked into that, the more I began to see that it wasn't so much that the kids could read, but it's that the kids believed that they could read.
[00:07:20] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:07:21] Speaker C: Before I actually finished the reading masters, I veered off and I veered off into counseling.
At that point, I wasn't even sure if I was going to become a school counselor. I just. I wanted the knowledge whether I be a teacher or whether I was going to be a school counselor. But after getting the whole degree, I decided I would go the direction of school counseling. So I spent a lot of years as a school counselor in Georgia was where I was. And I retired from Georgia. And meanwhile, I had been an artist all my life. I have been. I've had. Had work in galleries. I've had.
I've had work all over in the south in different ways. Furniture, I've redone. Furniture, I redone anyway, so lots of art. And then when I. In 2015, I went back and got a second master's degree in.
So that's kind of where that came from.
[00:08:19] Speaker B: And then you also teach here at the university, don't you?
[00:08:24] Speaker C: I'm part of the counseling education faculty here at ua. And that's really exciting. I am Kind of the person on the staff who does creative therapies. I do art and play some psychodrama.
So dance therapy. My daughter is a ballerina, so I have a little bit of background there. So a lot of different types of.
[00:08:48] Speaker B: Creative therapy that's good, that's needed in that department. Because when I was taking classes there, you know, back in. Oh one, I mean, that something like that was really not heard of. Like, you know, I won't say it wasn't encouraged. It wasn't like that. It's just that was not offered, which would have been so cool because I would have gone that path. I know Catherine, she and I, that's what we have in common, you know. And here at the counseling center, most students. Well, I won't say most, but a lot of students don't realize we offer a creative stress relief group that was even started by Kathryn when she was here at the counseling center. And we're still providing that. And students love it.
[00:09:28] Speaker C: Yeah, I can see why.
[00:09:31] Speaker B: With regards to self care, which is what we're talking about tonight, eventually. Are there different types of self care? I kind of mentioned. I kind of touched on it, you know, at the beginning when I introduced the topic. But can you expand on if there are and what they are?
[00:09:49] Speaker C: So when you asked me to come tonight, one of the things I did was look up a definition for self care that I found that spoke to me, that I liked and I just got it off the Internet. Practice of taking care of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of your life. Yeah, I think some of us are real good at some of it. Like maybe the physical, but maybe not so good at the spiritual.
[00:10:15] Speaker B: Right.
[00:10:16] Speaker C: So that ends up that we're really not all that great at self care.
[00:10:21] Speaker B: Well. And I think I have students who, they're trying to do it all, you know, they have. They know they need to take better care of themselves. But it's overwhelming. I think some of the, like you're supposed to, you know, exercise every day, you're supposed to get good sleep, you're supposed to eat healthy. And it. Sometimes it's overwhelming because. And it. Sometimes it sets them up for what the they think is failure because if they're not doing that every day, they feel like they failed that day. I've had students that have told me that.
[00:10:57] Speaker C: Yeah. And, you know, as being old folks, we know how much that's not true. I know that when you're living that life of everything needs to be perfect and everything needs to be, you know, I need to do this every day.
[00:11:11] Speaker B: It's like a checklist. Yeah.
[00:11:13] Speaker C: That actually becomes more of a hindrance rather than self care.
[00:11:18] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:11:19] Speaker C: For that student.
[00:11:20] Speaker B: More stress on them.
When we come back, one of the things that you mentioned that you that is really kind of fascinating about your history too is the teaching sleep issue. When people are having sleep problems. Teach. I noticed you sent me something about your history with teaching sleep. You know, students are having problems with sleep. You really focused on that and I want to take a break and when we come back, I want to talk about that because that's a little bit of my pet peeve. I mean, that's one area that I really enjoy talking about because I feel like that is the one thing that will get students in here before anything else, I think. Because I don't think they're ashamed of it when they're not sleeping well and it might start, you know, dialogue about what's really causing their sleep issues. Sometimes, you know, they'll come in if they're not sleeping and they can't r I g h t right themselves, you know, with their sleep issues. So let's take a break and then when we come back, let's talk more about sleep because that is so important with self care. You're listening to 90.7 the Capstone.
[00:12:39] Speaker C: WVUAFM Tuscaloosa.
[00:12:42] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling and no relationship is created between the show hosts or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency.
[00:13:19] Speaker B: Hey, you're back listening to brain matters on 90.7 the Capstone. I'm BJ Gunther and we're talking tonight about one of my favorite topics that relationships, by the way, is self care, how to give yourself grace, especially when you're in college and you've got a lot lot being thrown at you and there's a lot of stressors. My guest tonight is Dr. Millie Dawson Hardy. Dr. Dawson Hardy has an extensive background in a lot of different things. Actually we just talked about art therapy. We just talked about her retiring from over 30 years or 30 years of teaching in Georgia and also being on staff here at the counselor ed department here on our campus. So. But what I want to get to is Sleep issues for students. Because before we went to the break and I will get to that email in just a minute. Catherine, sorry, she reminded me to give out the email. I'll get to that in a minute. But sleep issues, I think is a real problem for a lot of students. I think they just feel like they don't need as much as maybe they do. And then when they get sick or their immune system breaks down, then they realize, oh, I need rest.
What have you taught about sleep?
[00:14:35] Speaker C: So where this came from was when I first started as a college instructor, I was teaching a Psych 101 class and I've done that in a couple of different places. So I always end up teaching a chapter on sleep. And it's always really interesting because one of the statistics that this statistic has lasted for like 25 years. So this is like really a big deal.
College students are not sleeping enough hours at epidemic proportions.
So we have this epidemic of poor sleep that happens on college campuses.
So by the time I would teach this particular chapter, you know, the kids will always be very eager to hear, hear about it. So how come we're not sleeping? You know, you've heard people say, oh, I'll sleep when I'm dead.
[00:15:29] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:15:29] Speaker C: But the reality to that, you're bringing yourself a little closer.
[00:15:34] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:15:34] Speaker C: Because you're, you're not taking care of yourself and you're putting yourself more at risk. You know, more car wrecks happen after. I think it's like after 10 o'clock at night till 6 in the morning.
[00:15:48] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:15:49] Speaker C: So these are people.
[00:15:49] Speaker B: I wonder why.
[00:15:51] Speaker C: Well, they're people who are driving without.
[00:15:54] Speaker B: That's exactly.
[00:15:55] Speaker C: Well, yeah, I mean, that's what the research institutes for the insurance is saying is that these are people that are sleep deprived. And you know, on our cards nowadays we get a little thing that pops up and says, take a break. Yeah, you need to stop and drink some coffee, you know.
[00:16:14] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:16] Speaker C: So if it's built into your car, then the insurance people are telling them they need to do this.
So it is a real thing that we are sleep deprived. And so why, why is that? So, and if you think about college students, you know, there's a lot of reasons. I think there's a lot of I want to live and have fun, which is great. Okay, you can do that. But you got to think about every person until you get to be like 60 ish. Every person needs like 8 hours of sleep a night. That is what a healthy amount of sleep is.
So when you get to be around 60, that's going to reduce. And when you are a baby that looks different between preschool through 60 years old, you need eight hours of sleep a night. If you don't get that, you're not going to function at an optimal level.
One of the things I often say to students is what are your values? In fact, I very often give a values inventory to help people, whether they're pre service counselors or whether these clients that I'm working with.
Are you living a value laden life? Are you your life the way you want to? So let's say, I mean these are, these are kids who are paying to go to college.
The thought is that education is a high value for them. Well, if this is a high value for you, what are you doing to get your best value out of it? And if you're not getting eight hours of sleep, your brain is not going to work as well as it could to get a high value out of it. Okay, let's say that the kid says it's not really the education piece. I want to have a good time. Okay.
[00:18:07] Speaker B: Yep. Had that said to me.
[00:18:10] Speaker C: Yeah, you want to waste your mom and daddy's money, that's up to you. But the, and of course that's silly because many of us are paying for college on our own nowadays. But meanwhile that's fine if that's the value that you have. But how can you do that so that you are still operating at, at maximum capacity? You know, it's good for you. So if you want to stay up from midnight till three every day, okay, when you come home at three and you go to bed, how many hours before you need to get up and are you planning for that and is that part of your schedule?
So it's fun whatever way you want to do it. But still, how do you get in enough sleep to help your body operate and do its best? And why would we bother to do that? How do you feel when your body does not operate at its best? You feel like crap.
[00:19:10] Speaker B: Well, and I think I call it the mother of all excuses too. I think that they have gotten away with not sleeping as much as they probably should or need to. And they've been able to make the grade they make.
So that just keeps them, you know, it just keeps reinforcing that I can get six hours sleep and still do, you know, make an egg on my biology exam. But I always warn them, you are going to hit the wall at some point. It may be your junior year, it may be your first year of law school, but you will hit the Wall. This, this technique does not work forever, you know, and they look at me like I'm a hundred years old.
[00:19:55] Speaker C: Sometimes I feel like I'm under.
I think sometimes I'll hear from a kid that I can't make an A no matter how much I study. And this kid over here says he never studied and he makes A's all the time. Well, number one, the kid's not telling you the truth. No, study it. But the point is you're not making the grades you want. What do you need to change to get what you want?
I also, you know, it's not just because they want to have a good time that kids don't get a lot of sleep. Sometimes it's anxiety, sometimes it's homesickness, sometimes too much caffeine. Yeah, chemical, exactly. So one of the things that this chapter would always say is look at your habits and see, you know, are you turning off caffeine at 7:00 at night?
Excuse me, college student, but are you turning it off by, by 10:00 at night so that you can sleep by midnight? You know, we're not saying don't have caffeine, but we're saying have it. Have it in a way that doesn't restrict you from getting what you need in life.
[00:21:10] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:13] Speaker C: This chapter would also talk about how to make a routine for yourself, a nighttime routine where you kind of slow the house down about an hour before bed, you turn the light down and you literally slow your body down. Turn your screens off about an hour before bedtime. Because if you think about it, you know, you're watching your screens, you're having a good time, you're drinking a Diet Coke and then you go get in bed. Well, your body hasn't stopped running yet.
[00:21:43] Speaker B: Overstimulated. Yeah.
[00:21:46] Speaker C: How do you send those messages to your body so that it knows it can go ahead and turn down, turn off?
[00:21:52] Speaker B: Well, you having a history as a teacher for all those years, what do you think is a realistic study schedule for college students?
[00:22:03] Speaker C: You know, I wish I just had a number and said, I know tonight, ta da, you're done.
You know, I think this is back that when I saw that question, the first thing that kind of came to me was again, the value, you know, you kind of have to look at what do you want out of the, you know, do you want A's and only A's? Well, you're going to have to put in more hours.
To me, the thing with getting new information, what we know about learning is if you take new Information, you need to hang it on old information to make it meaningful.
So how long does that take for you, for me to get new information and make it my own, that takes me a couple of days. You know, to really kind of encompass that information, we have to do it in short increments. I'm not a person who can sit down and just study for five hours and go done. And we know cramming doesn't really work in terms of making the information your, your own. It'll, it'll help you memorize for a.
[00:23:08] Speaker B: Test, but you don't really learn it right.
[00:23:11] Speaker C: And as soon as you walk out of the test, what the stats show is that 80% of information is gone unless you re look at that information within 24 hours. And if you do that, you'll gain back about 60% of the 80%. Still not remember at all. But every time you're looking back at it and thinking how does this apply to my life?
What I would say is whatever amount of time it takes for you to begin to make the information your own.
And, and you have to decide do you do better in a long period of time or do you do better in short periods, increments.
[00:23:54] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. You mentioned the different, we were talking about the different kinds of self care and you mentioned mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. What do you mean by spiritual? Can you, does that mean just going to church? Does it mean studying your, you know, Bible? What does that mean?
[00:24:15] Speaker C: And of course there's no you done answer to that because it's going to be different for every person.
For some people it may be just those things, you know, church in their Bible, but for other people it may be communing in nature.
So traditionally though, this time in our lives is when we tend to be the most at risk spiritually because this is the time where we're questioning and we're looking constantly. Even though for me, for me I've also had another one of those time periods when I, when I got to be much older. So this may not be the only one you have.
And I think it's really about how do you help yourself grow in terms of existentially, in terms of what's beyond this world.
And, and that is I think as much a biological force within us as physical and mental and academic, you know, and all these other needs that we have.
[00:25:27] Speaker B: I feel like when people come in and they, they know that they need some help with self care, they want, it's almost like they want a list like I mentioned, a checklist like you need to eat well, you need to sleep well. But. But when you put it in those terms to a student, they will say things like, well, I've tried that. You know, I've done that. It didn't work. And it's like they want a magic, you know, formula. But it really is all the same. Always. It's always all the same.
Do you know what I mean?
[00:26:06] Speaker C: I think sometimes it is, you know, like you tried eating well for a while and then you didn't really want to do it anymore. You sweat.
[00:26:15] Speaker B: You miss those French fries?
[00:26:17] Speaker C: No, they're good. So instead of saying no french fries. How, how. What was not working about this and what was not meeting your needs? Yeah, I'll have a need to eat French fries every once in a while. You know, we have a need for fun. That. Which one is it William Glasser talks about? Fun is one of the needs that we have.
[00:26:42] Speaker B: Have. Yeah.
[00:26:44] Speaker C: So if you want to eat french fries, that's fine, but how do we make it into a healthy eating habit?
[00:26:51] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:26:52] Speaker C: Where you're not eating just french fries.
So it's a. I, I think one of the biggest things about all care, not just self care, but all care is balance.
[00:27:04] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:27:05] Speaker C: You know, how, how do we have fun but still keep ourselves being able to operate well with them?
[00:27:13] Speaker B: Yeah, I think that's just tricky for everybody, not just college students. It might be a little tougher for college students because a lot's being thrown at them, you know, at one time with minimal, you know, sometimes minimal skills, or they're just learning how to take care of themselves financially, you know, being alone for the first time, making new friends, etc. Etc. Let's take another break. And don't forget, if you have ideas for topics for the show, email those to me at brain mattersradiobuafm.ua.edu and Dr. Dawson Hardy, if you are willing, when we come back from the break, will you take a few email questions?
Okay. We'll be right back. You're listening to brain matters on 90.7, the capstone.
[00:28:10] Speaker A: WVUAFM Teskaloosa. This show is not a substitute for professional counseling and no relationship is created between the show hosts or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counsel, county's crisis service hotline, or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation. Please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
[00:28:51] Speaker B: Hey, you're back listening to brain matters on 90.7 the Capstone. I'm BJ Gunther. We're talking tonight about realistic self care for college students and My guest is Dr. Millie Dawson Hardy. Dr. Dawson Hardy is one of the counselor ed professors. Along with being in self. Excuse me, self care along with being in private practice here for how many years?
[00:29:15] Speaker C: Six. This coming year will be six years here.
[00:29:19] Speaker B: What is the, what is, what would you say is the percentage of, of clients you have who are college aged? College aged?
[00:29:28] Speaker C: I would probably say about 20 ish percent.
I do work with kids a lot so that's probably a very large load that I carry.
But then my second biggest population would be college age kids.
[00:29:49] Speaker B: They're never boring to work with, they never are. If you're willing to take an email question, here's one.
I'm just going to read it. One thing I notice with my students and I don't know if she's a teacher or what is the misconception that self care equals consumption or financial investment. Even with psych education about what self care actually is and can look like, media exposure often correlates it with buying something.
Do you have any suggestions for free self care?
Suggestions that aren't material based, time consuming and more effective long term?
[00:30:34] Speaker C: Wow. Yeah, that's a long one.
[00:30:36] Speaker B: Sorry about that.
[00:30:37] Speaker C: I think one of the first things I would kind of say is if you're paying for your self care, you know, so if shopping is your self care and you're paying to go shopping, that's not really self care guys.
I think again balance. So maybe there are certainly lots and lots of things you can do for free like taking a walk.
That's always free. And Lucy, we have the Riverwalk right there by the university.
I go down there when I have breaks and do a 30 minute walk and that's one of my personal favorites for self care.
We also, if you're a student you have access to a lot of things. You know we have, have the, the wellness center and we have the counseling center.
So make sure you're taking advantage of all the things you get free before you go down to Ulta and buy a whole bunch of beauty stuff.
[00:31:42] Speaker B: Well, and excuse me, some students don't know that a lot of providers here in town like massage therapists and even other, you know, service providers will give students discounts too.
[00:31:59] Speaker C: Yeah, always ask.
[00:32:01] Speaker B: Excuse me, I'm choking. Sorry. Yeah, but sometimes they don't know if they're new to town, but I always think the free stuff is. I mean, if you're a nature lover like we talked about. You're right. The river walk, the river market on Saturdays might be a Florida form of self care where you just walk around and see what people are making and growing and, you know, just being around people.
[00:32:24] Speaker C: Right. And sometimes it's not about spending the money as much as it's just around being. Being around people.
[00:32:30] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:32:32] Speaker C: So where's your bed? I love to go to the bookstore and get a cup of coffee and just spend time looking at magazines. Yeah, I'm. I might buy one thing.
[00:32:46] Speaker B: Well, and also we have a great public library here in Tuscaloosa a lot of students don't know about. They think the only library is the one on campus. But if sometimes, if they just want to get away, sometimes they just want to be by themselves and not with that many students and just want to, you know, see what we have to offer here in Tuscaloosa. We have a great public library. And also there's a friends of the Library bookstore in the library that the books are like less than $4. They take cash only though, by the way, FYI.
But that's something that's very reasonable, you know, and then when you read the book, just donate it back.
The next question, let me see how we may have already answered this. How does a student know when they are in a good place with self care?
[00:33:35] Speaker C: Well, I think that's based on how they feel. You know, when they feel good, when they feel like things are going well. Then I'd say you must be living in pretty good balance. But I also want to be sure to open the door to say, to say one of the pieces of self care is about using good communication. So asking for what you need.
[00:34:04] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:34:05] Speaker C: Have a moment where, yeah, my life's pretty good, but I really am running out of money this month to call mom and dad and ask for what you need. Mom, Dad, I really am running out of money. Can I work out a $20 loan or $50 loan to get me through the month? You know, it's mid month right now, so I don't think 20 will make.
[00:34:30] Speaker B: It, but don't go very far these days. Yeah.
[00:34:37] Speaker C: Then, you know, and they may say no, or they may say, you may ask for 100 and they say, I'll give you 50.
I do that quite frequently with my kids when they ask for money. So I think that. But by opening the conversation, you, number one, you're being an adult, you're taking responsibility for what you need and asking for what you need. But then number two, you're opening the door to an adult conversation with your parents, just sitting and suffering or sneaking around trying to get money from them or other people instead of asking for what you need.
[00:35:11] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. That's a good point.
Another email question. How does self care change from high school to college?
[00:35:21] Speaker C: That's the hard part is you have to become more responsible for your self care. Back in high school, if you got, if you got too far underneath, you know, your parents would typically say, no, you need to stay home and sleep. You gotta, you gotta do some of these things. Or mom would fix your dinner for you, or dad for that matter.
[00:35:41] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:35:44] Speaker C: It'S all you. And while that's great and that's wonderful, it's also hard.
So again, that good communication, asking for what you need.
You know, college students get homesick and just call it, just say, I'm homesick, just what you need. Can I do a home visit this weekend?
Just talk to them about the fact you're homesick. They might come and visit you. Yeah, I used to go every Saturday to the University of South Carolina to see my daughter. There used to be a bagel place up there. We'd eat every Saturday morning.
And that was just how she got through, how that daughter got through, you know, four years at the university.
[00:36:30] Speaker B: You know, it's really ironic you mentioned homesickness because I don't, I don't, I don't feel like I have as many students as I used to have and they're coming from further away, to be honest. But I don't feel like I'm seeing as many students that first year that they're here with adjustment issues or homesickness. I don't know why that is because we get assigned students randomly here, you know, at the counseling center. So I don't really know why that is. I'm seeing more students get homesick in their sophomore year. And I've mentioned that before on a couple of different shows in the past, and I just don't know what that is. I don't know if the new wears off and the reality sinks in or what it is, but that's kind of surprised me. You know.
[00:37:19] Speaker C: Something that occurs to me is I wonder if it's anxiety that. But we're seeing it. We've been seeing an increase in anxiety for definitely since 2020, but we were even seeing an increase in anxiety before then.
I wonder if the freshmen actually are just anxious and they're not identifying it as homesickness by sophomore year is when they're going, oh, I really just want to see home.
[00:37:48] Speaker B: Yeah, I miss home. Yes. Have you ever had a client resist ideas for self care?
[00:37:57] Speaker C: What did you do?
[00:37:58] Speaker B: What? Give us the example.
[00:38:00] Speaker C: The, the one that came to mind with that question for me was a young mother that I had who was fairly newly divorced and she had two small kids and she would just do anything for those kids. And I mean anything.
And to the point of not taking care of herself.
[00:38:18] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:38:19] Speaker C: And she got sick. Sick. And she couldn't go to work. And of course that hurt the whole family when she wasn't working. And that was really difficult for her when she had to face the fact that she had to take care of herself first to be able to take care of these boys.
[00:38:37] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:38:38] Speaker C: And it really wasn't until the physical evidence of I can't showed up in her life before she finally realized that she had to be a priority to herself to be able to keep the boys a priority.
And I think back in some of the students that I've worked with, they. I have seen kids physically get sick.
[00:39:01] Speaker B: Oh, yeah.
[00:39:03] Speaker C: Stop and go.
[00:39:04] Speaker B: Me too.
Even though you're telling them be careful, you know, you need to really take better care of yourself because it's flu and cold season. You know, they're just looking at you like you're their mom. And then when they do get sick, you don't say, I told you so, but you're thinking it. And you know, it's. Sometimes they just have to learn that way. They just have to learn. Maybe next time I'll listen or I'll try something different. So, you know, they've got the tools. If they're coming to a counselor, they're going to get the tools so they'll know what if?
Is it more, you know, setting boundaries? I put a little note down at the bottom of my questions I had for you. I didn't include this. Yeah, I think I did include this. Setting boundaries, I think is one of the hardest things for students to do, especially with their friends. Well, with their parents, too. But just saying no, especially when they're having an opportunity with professors. Also, you may have experienced this with some of your own students here at Alabama because they will agree to certain things and really not have time to do a lot of the things they've agreed to. And then weeks down the road, they don't know what they're going to do to be able to fulfill this. They can't get out of it. And it's because they haven't set boundaries. Yeah.
[00:40:26] Speaker C: And I. I think, like you said, part of that's about skill. You know, for the first time, you're having to take care of all that by yourself.
[00:40:33] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:40:34] Speaker C: And you do want to do it. I mean, there are things that I've had to turn away that I really didn't want to, but I just simply don't have the time. In fact, somebody asked me to do something the other day, and I looked at him and I said, I would love to do that, but I simply cannot do one more thing.
Yes, I'll see you in two years when I retire.
[00:40:54] Speaker B: Yeah, call me then. I think for students, too, they are afraid to make people mad or disappoint. Or disappoint.
[00:41:05] Speaker C: There's also that thought of guilt. You know, if I don't do this, am I letting someone else down or even.
And that's a bigger issue. You know, that's. That's a good reason to come to therapy.
[00:41:17] Speaker B: Yeah. We did a show a while back on fomo. You know, fear of missing out, and I think sometimes they don't. They are afraid to say no because they'll. They're afraid they won't be included again or invited.
[00:41:30] Speaker C: And I do think that's one of the ways to get to be part of the group is to just show up and just keep being there. You know, Know, you're the one who's always there. So I. I mean, I think that is something in terms of. Is this. You know, that we're back to your values? Is this group the group that I really see myself fitting into the best and. And services me as well as I service it. Okay, then that's the group we want to put some boundaries around. And, yeah, I want to be part of this group, but that doesn't mean I have to be part. Part of every single group.
[00:42:06] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. Well, I think it also helps students make decisions about priorities. What are priorities? You know, when they first get here, get on board day, I mean, I see them signing up for five or six organizations. You know what I'm like, be careful with that, because some demand more or require more than others, but they just want to be involved in so much. I think they're afraid of. Of not having a social life sometimes, too.
[00:42:36] Speaker C: You know, I get that. You know, we all want to belong.
[00:42:40] Speaker B: Yeah. What about. You know, we touched a little bit about caffeine and what students are putting in their bodies, but what about diet and alcohol and drugs, too? We haven't even Talked about that.
[00:42:56] Speaker C: I think one of my thoughts about that is, is we all know at this point that what we put in our body is going to affect our body.
[00:43:05] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:43:06] Speaker C: I do get, when you're in your late teens and early twenties, that what you put in your body, you're not going to see necessarily as immediately as what I put in my body pretty quickly.
Yay. Yay for you. That's not.
Enjoy it while you got it. But. But we know that what we put in is going to affect what we're going to be able to get out. There is a guy, his name is Andrew Huber. Huberman. He does podcasts.
[00:43:37] Speaker B: I've seen him. Yeah.
[00:43:40] Speaker C: Talk about the particular effect of substances on the body. And one of the ones that he did on alcohol, which I think is extremely interesting, is there is essentially no benefit to alcohol.
I like my wine. You know, I'm not saying I don't drink it, but I have to admit, since hearing his podcast, I'm not drinking it very often because it actually ages me. And that's a thing for me.
[00:44:10] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:44:11] Speaker C: Faster. So there is literally nothing positive about alcohol in our bodies. It does nothing good for our bodies whatsoever.
[00:44:21] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:44:21] Speaker C: So I encourage kids to educate themselves. You know, if you're going to use a substance, find out what it's going to do.
[00:44:30] Speaker B: That's right. I used to have a colleague, he's retired now, but he. He was here at the counseling center. He used to say, be an informed consumer.
[00:44:40] Speaker C: Yeah, there you go.
[00:44:41] Speaker B: He would say that, you know, when he would go out and speak to classes, because you don't want to come across is preachy. Preachy. They're not gonna. They don't want to hear that. So you kind of have to talk about the effects and for them to take responsibility and get some education and be an informed consumer. Yeah.
[00:45:02] Speaker C: Me too.
[00:45:03] Speaker B: Hey, let's take our last break, and then when we come back, let's talk a little bit about what you would suggest, some more things you would suggest. And I want to talk about hobbies in particular. So you're listening to brain matters on 90.7 the Capstone.
[00:45:28] Speaker A: WVUAFM Tuscaloosa. This show is not a substitute for professional counseling, and no relationship is created between the show hosts or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
[00:46:09] Speaker B: Hey, you're back listening to brain matters on 90.7 the Capstone. I'm Dr. BJ Guenther and we're talking tonight about realistic self care for college students. And My guest is Dr. Millie Dawson Hardy. Dr. Dawson Hardy is in private practice here in Tuscaloosa and also is one of the counselor educators here on campus at the University of Alabama, but has an extensive teaching career. So you've seen all kinds of issues with students at all ages, which is fascinating to me. I feel like your credibility goes up so high because of your experience in the field.
[00:46:49] Speaker C: One of the things that I have begun to see because I have worked over a lifespan is so many times these are the same problems. You know, anxiety, for instance. I was working at the elementary school level when I was in my 20s with anxiety. And here I am in much, much older years still working with adults with anxiety, very often the same problem.
Some of the, one of the things I really noticed when I started at the college level was while I might be working with the same problem problems, I'm working with much more severe outcomes.
I started out at a little junior college in North Georgia and the kids would drive over to Athens on Thursday because that's where all the bars were and that's where all the kids were.
And not telling you how many phone calls I would get from Athens PD on Friday morning with kids who were in jail, why they had him call the counselor at the school because they.
[00:47:59] Speaker B: Couldn'T do anything, I guess. So you could call the parents and break it to them or something. I mean, I don't know. That is kind of weird.
[00:48:05] Speaker C: But I mean, I can't call someone over 18's parents, but I can tell them to call their parents. But that, I mean, I would get phone calls on Friday morning. So the consequences were so much more severe over making poor decisions.
And I think now, you know, at my age, making a poor decision, it not only affects me and it affects my family, my kids, my husband, my ability to pay, my house payment, for instance.
[00:48:35] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:48:37] Speaker C: So I just give that information to the population we're talking to in terms of thinking about the choices that you're making and the consequences that you, that you have to deal with.
[00:48:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
Do you think, what do you think about like your students that you teach now? And I don't know, how many, how many classes do you teach in counselor ed?
[00:49:02] Speaker C: I typically, I teach between Four and six each semester.
[00:49:06] Speaker B: A lot. Yeah. For the students you have, do any of them ever talk about their hobbies? Do you have students? Because it's fascinating to me. I don't really have a lot of students who have what I consider a hobby.
[00:49:21] Speaker C: I talk about interests with kids being that I'm a creative therapist that mean a lot to me and they, they keep me sane. So it is talking to students about their interest and how they're using their interest to help them gain resiliency.
One of my favorite authors others and. And I've just recently learned how to say his name. He is from Canada and his. His name is Mihai. That's his first name. Cheek Senmihalyi.
His last name. I've just recently learned how to say that he wrote. He wrote a series of books about flow psychology and the idea of flow. Those are those things in life, life where you get into doing them and they're. They are. You become fully absorbed in that moment doing that thing, whatever it is.
For some people it's.
It's playing football for other people. For Catherine and I it's making art for, you know, so everybody has their flow, whatever is. And it's like you kind of checked out and then all of a sudden you look at the clock and an hour's pattern and you feel better.
[00:50:42] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:50:43] Speaker C: And I believe in that time period your, your psyche has had time to do some healing and that's why when you kind of come back to the moment, to the. To the now, you feel better than you did.
Talks about that. This is.
He describes this time is when actions and awareness are merged losing self conscious rumination. So you're not going back over all these things that have happened that you're not sure about that make you feel bad. You don't. You're not thinking about that because you're so absorbed in this task.
And I think it means that our consciousness checks out, heals a little bit and then when we come back to reality we feel much better. I am highly about hobby and what interest do you have that you haven't pursued yet?
[00:51:41] Speaker B: Me too. That's a good way to put it. That's a good question to ask students I think. And why haven't you pursued it? Is it because you're afraid you're going to fail? Is it because you feel like you don't have enough time? Is it costly or you think it's costly?
[00:51:56] Speaker C: And how can. And that, you know, that's what we're here for as counselors. How can we Help solve that problem.
Is there a cheaper way to do it? For instance, is there a way to start? Is there a place to take lessons?
Yeah, you can put a little money into it. If you have a little money. What's a little money for you? You know, $10 at Michael's goes quite a long ways, actually.
[00:52:20] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:52:21] Speaker C: And I read an article one time, and I think it was like Ladies Home Journal or, you know, some. Some regular magazine about the gift of being mediocre, that we have to be the best at something as soon as we begin it.
[00:52:37] Speaker B: I know.
[00:52:39] Speaker C: Why can we not enjoy the journey of getting better at it?
[00:52:45] Speaker B: Yeah. I had a. I had a friend back home say something like that years ago when I was in college, because I was upset. I think I had made like a C or something ridiculous. And he said, if you didn't make a C, you wouldn't know the value of an A, so, you know, you wouldn't know how to get better and strive for something better. Which. That really helped me put some perspective. But if you say that, I'm gonna say this, and Kathleen, you can back me up if you say that to a perfectionist.
Ooh. They do not like that.
[00:53:21] Speaker C: About perfectionist. You know, that. That's Brene Brown's whole field of study. The fact that being a perfectionist is really just an unhealthy adaptation.
It's unrealistic because it's really not. It's really not.
[00:53:37] Speaker B: Not attainable. No. Hey, do you have any more. That was a great. I wrote down that book. Do you have any more resources for listeners?
[00:53:46] Speaker C: Well, I am really.
MIHA has, like, about 10 books now. His whole life of research is in books about flow. But I also highly.
I was going to say enjoy, but that's not the correct word. I learned a lot from reading Brene Brown's books about perfectionism and shame.
Thinking about, you know, people who are afraid not to. To. To do everything. You know, there's some guilt or some shame in there. Those. Brene Brown's work can be very helpful. So any of her work, I. I find to be an advantage.
And then I think Huber Huberman's podcast can be. Oh, also, Renee Brown does podcasts. I will tell you that listening to her, I can only take her for about 30 minutes because she. She gives so much information that I think it through, and then I can listen to the rest of the podcast. So, you know, you pick what's best, you know, for the person listening. Pick what's best for you in terms of some of those things.
[00:54:57] Speaker B: Well, people are always asking for resources, you know, when, even when they come in here, they're always wanting some ideas, books to read. Some people don't want that. They don't want, you know, any more homework. But a lot of students do. They like the resources. So. So thank you.
[00:55:14] Speaker C: Anytime.
[00:55:15] Speaker B: I told you it goes by fast. We're already done with the show. Can you believe it? Yeah.
Don't forget, and thanks for being on the show and taking some time out to talk about self care because I feel like it's just something that people wait until the last minute. Like we'll have students coming. We always have students coming in in October and April. You know, those are like the busiest months. And I feel like they have. Maybe if they had been maintaining a balance like you mentioned throughout the semester, it wouldn't culminate, you know, in October, April, which I know that's midterms and I know it can get stressful.
[00:55:52] Speaker C: Midterm is the evil of all.
[00:55:54] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Hey, don't forget, our shows are recorded and podcasted on The Apple Podcast, audioboom.com and Voices UA Edu. Just type in Brain Matters and you'll find some of our past shows. Also, there's a link to Voices UA Edu on the Counseling Center's website at Counseling Counseling UA Edu. And I'd like to thank a few people who made the show possible. Our executive director, Dr. Greg Vanderwaal and my colleagues here at the Counseling center who are always so supportive. Of course, my producer and colleague Katherine Howell and Katherine Ratchford, who edits the shows for us at WBUA. She does a great job. My guest tonight, Dr. Millie Dawson Hardy. And don't forget, forget we're on next week with another show and this one's going to be an interesting show. We're going to have an adapted athlete. He plays wheelchair basketball. And the title of the show is going to be Navigating College Life in a Wheelchair. So I'm excited to have him on the show next week. Don't forget, tune in, same time, same place. We're on Tuesday nights at 6pm Once again, thanks for listening. We'll see you here next week. Goodnight.
[00:57:16] Speaker A: This show was not intended as a substitute for professional counseling. Further, the views, opinions and conclusions expressed by the show hosts or their guests are their own and not necessarily those of the University of Alabama, its officers or trustees. Any views, opinions or conclusions shared on the show do not create a relationship between the host or any guest and any listener. And such a relationship should never be inferred. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, please contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863. If you are not a UA student, please contact your respective counties crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.
