Brain Matters S10.E09: Setting Boundaries With Social Media

[00:00:00] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling and no relationship is created between the show hosts or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863 if you are not a UA student, please contact your respective county's CRIs Service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911. Go to your nearest emergency room. [00:00:43] Speaker B: Again for brain matters, the official radio show of the UA Counseling Center. We are broadcasting from the campus of the University of Alabama. Good evening. My name is Dr. B. J. Gunther and I'm the host of the show along with my colleague and producer, Catherine Howell. And in case you don't know, this show is about mental and physical health issues that affect college students and in particular UA students. So you can listen to us each Tuesday night at 06:00 p.m. On 90.7 FM, or you can listen online at wbuafm ua.edu. Or you can download the MyTunor Radio app and just type in WBUAFM 90.7 and listen to us that way. We only have a few more shows left for this semester. I think a couple of more shows actually left for this semester and then we'll take our winter break and then we'll be back for the spring semester because we don't do shows in the summer. So if you are listening and you have ideas for any upcoming show topics, please email those to me at brainMattersradio at wvuaFm ua.edu. I'll try to remember to give out the email address when we come back from breaks. It's just hard for me to do that sometimes because I get set on certain topics and I just forget. Catherine helps me sometimes, but I'll try to give that out again because if you have those ideas, I always like to know what's kind of trending out there in college mental health. I try to keep up with that, and even if we've done show topics before, like basic show topics like stress management, test anxiety, depression, it's a good idea to continue to do those shows and keep up with what's trending in those areas. So again, it's BrainMattersradio at wvuafM ua.edu. And of course I'll consider using your idea for a show topic. Tonight's topic is. I won't say it's a touchy subject, but when I sort of engage in this topic with the students I see, I kind of get some resistance, and I think it's because it's just very hard to do. And the topic tonight is setting boundaries with social media. What would your mental health look like in a world without social media? Can you imagine now? Pretty hard to imagine. And many of us are so mixed up with social media accounts that it's difficult to remember what we did before the feed. For somebody like me who's older, different generation, I can remember not having, of course, Facebook or Twitter, any of the social media. So I think it's a little bit easier for somebody like me to do a social media break as opposed to the current generation, the college students I see who have never lived without some kind of social media in their life. So I think that's challenging. There's plenty of upsides to online connection. I'm not trying to say there's not. But how do we find that balance with the constant flurry of input from friends, families, celebrities, even, and brands constantly vying for our attention? So tonight, that's our topic. My guest tonight is Dr. Dana Gianta. And Dr. Gianta is a licensed clinical psychologist. She's also a speaker and a life coach. And I forgot to ask you, Dr. Dana, where are you joining us from tonight? [00:03:59] Speaker C: Yes. Well, I'm happy to be here. And I'm coming from. Jealous. [00:04:06] Speaker B: I'm jealous. Tell the listeners a little bit about yourself, your credentials, why you're interested in this topic, and I'll tell you how I came across you also. [00:04:17] Speaker C: Okay, sure. Yeah. I started becoming, well, I'm a clinical psychologist by training, and then I also specialized a few years later in coaching. So both executive and life coaching. And I have a business background as well as health. And so I wound up just becoming more and more interested in boundaries early in my practice and boundaries and relationships. And then I started working with families around boundaries and then in the workplace. But I noticed technology started to really become an issue with a lot of the clients that I was seeing. So that's how I began to write around that and talk more about how we can have a healthier relationship with technology and social media, because it does, like you shared, has so many benefits, too. But it can be problematic at times, and it can really affect the connection we have with others, as well as our ability to set goals and really move forward with our own dreams and other things that are really important to us. [00:05:21] Speaker B: Yes. And I mentioned the way I learned about you is you had written an article or had contributed to an article when I was doing a little bit of research for this topic, and you mentioned a lot of steps or I guess, ways that you can set these boundaries. And that's, of course, what we're going to talk about in just a minute. But before we came on the air, I was talking to Dr. Dana about students who I see and especially the students who are going through breakups. That's who I hear the most, having problems with setting boundaries on social media. And I don't want to say it's impossible. There are some students who come in and they immediately tell me, yes, I have completely shut down that site or closed it out. I'm not looking at any social media. But for the most part, students really struggle with setting those boundaries, and I think it's hard to teach that. Do you think it's hard to teach how to set boundaries? [00:06:23] Speaker C: Yes, it really is. It's something I like to say. It's simple to understand, but it's not easy to implement. Right. To really practice them, partly because of the culture we're in. I mean, there's so much conditioning, really. Right. And everywhere, there's so much signs and cues to use social media, and it's part of our culture. Right. Everybody is on their phones, and it's one way many people stay connected, especially the students, and keep in touch with each other and what's going on. Yeah. So it makes it very challenging to really find that balance and set some limits with themselves. [00:07:04] Speaker B: What are healthy boundaries? Yeah. [00:07:08] Speaker C: So a simple definition. I like to say it's any limit that we have in relationship to something or someone. So this something would be social media or, like, our technology. It could be our iPhone, right. Or it could be our Facebook account or Instagram. TikTok. So what is the relationship that we have with that particular thing? Or it could be a person, right. Whether it's a friend, a fellow student. And so we need these limits because they really can help protect us and really preserve our time, our energy, our focus, so we can do other things and balance our lives in a healthier way. [00:07:50] Speaker B: Are you finding, when you're helping clients and patients, are you finding that people are asking for this, asking for this kind of help more, that they're having more insight into how social media is affecting their mental health? [00:08:08] Speaker C: And that's a great question. I still think it's pretty subconscious. [00:08:15] Speaker B: Yes, I agree. [00:08:17] Speaker C: I don't think people yet really understand the impact of what social media is having on their mental health or their life in other ways, like their relationships. Right. The connection they were having with their families or partners. But, yeah, I think that's a great question. They're not yet aware enough. And so I would love to see some initiatives increase the consciousness around the impact it's having on us. [00:08:46] Speaker B: Do you have clients, like I mentioned, with college students? And maybe it's just that I work with a certain age group, and so we're talking about it a lot. But do you have a lot of clients who bring this up, like I just mentioned, that bring, you know, I saw somebody on social media. I saw somebody on Facebook or Instagram, and this is how it influenced me. Do you have that? [00:09:11] Speaker C: Right? Yeah, I do. With clients, especially, like you mentioned, around breakups, if they've ended, and then they're seeing their ex partners on their social media, and they're having a hard time not following them or unfollowing and not looking and checking their account, who they're with or what they're up to. So that makes it very hard for the students. Right. Because now they know, right. They know they may have met somebody else or what they're doing, and they've moved on with their lives in two weeks, two weeks later. So that can really make them feel, just increase their sadness and even some depression around that or anxiety. So I do get that with clients. They're sharing. It makes them more anxious when they see this or they're afraid that once they break up or if they have, let's say, a disagreement, what is the other person going to do on social media? Talk negatively about them or make up lies about them or affect their reputation in some way. So there's anxiety around that. [00:10:13] Speaker B: I think some of it, too, is a curiosity. Just a curiosity, almost like a nosiness. And how do you teach your clients, I don't know how to say this. How do you teach your clients the benefit of not looking at the social media sites sometimes? Because that's a struggle for me as a therapist is trying to convince them that they will be better off if they don't look at it all the time. Not just social media. I'm talking about follow their exes every move or whatever. [00:10:50] Speaker C: Yeah. Well, I'll give you kind of a strategy that I use. I like to kind of call it an experiment. So I like to have clients do some little experiments at times, students, we could even call it like an adventure. But there's three feelings that are key signals to us that I like to share about when it may be really beneficial to set a boundary. And those feelings are discomfort, which can also be anxiety. Right. We're feeling pretty a lot of discomfort or anxiousness. Another one is resentment or anger. So anger is coming up, or we feel resentful. And the third is guilt. We're feeling guilty about something, or we're being made to feel guilty. So with the social media, if you're on and looking at what your ex is doing, very likely you're going to start to feel this discomfort or you're going to feel anxious or really bad. Right. So it's going to make you feel bad in some way. So I kind of educate, teach what these feelings are. So how do we know when we really could benefit from setting a boundary? To really tune into ourselves, tune into our feelings, and then do an experiment and say, okay, so for one or two weeks, watch and follow your ex. Right. See how. And then pay attention to how you're feeling. Right. [00:12:17] Speaker B: Or maybe for almost like an exposure therapy kind of thing. [00:12:21] Speaker C: Yeah. If they're not too distressed by it. Right. So again, it depends. But even two or three days or four days follow and just kind of periodically check in and see. And then if you feeling much worse after that, notice your feelings throughout. And then usually they will come to me and say, I feel much worse. I'm crying more, I feel more tearful, I am distracted. I can't stop thinking. So they become much more aware that what I was feeling much better four days ago or not nearly as bad as I am now. And they recognize, okay, this is just not good for me. This is making it worse. [00:13:01] Speaker B: Yes. So that almost teaches them some insight if they don't have it. [00:13:07] Speaker C: Yeah. It makes them definitely more aware of really the negative effect it's having on them. And sometimes it may take them two or three times. Right. It's just like quitting anything, any behavior, right? Smoking, overeating, whatever. Well, it may take them two times and they're like, you know what? I can't have to stop this. Right. It's really affecting me. [00:13:26] Speaker B: And let's stay on that course a little bit. When we come back from the break, we're going to take a short break. And when we come back, let's talk about social media addiction. Is there such a thing even now? What do you think? What's your opinion? So stay with us. You're listening to brain matters on 90.7, the capstone. [00:13:57] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling, and no relationship is created between the show hosts or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863 if you are not a UA student, please contact your respective county's Crisis service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. [00:14:35] Speaker B: Hey, you're back listening to brain matters on 90.7 the Capstone. I'm BJ Gunther, and we're talking tonight about setting boundaries with social media, which I know a lot of people have issues with that. Dr. Dana Gianta is our guest tonight. She's a licensed psychologist, also a life coach, a speaker, I don't know. Have you written any books, Dr. Dana? [00:15:00] Speaker C: I actually have, yes. I co authored a book on, it's called From Stress to Centered, A practical Guide to a Healthier and Happier you. [00:15:09] Speaker B: Nice. Okay. [00:15:11] Speaker C: And in that, there's a chapter on boundaries and how to set boundaries and also boundaries online. So that could be helpful if anybody's. [00:15:19] Speaker B: And before the break, we were talking about setting boundaries in your experiment or adventure for the ways that people can kind of identify whether or not they have an issue with setting boundaries for social media. Do you think social media can be an addiction? [00:15:40] Speaker C: Yeah, and it's a great question. You don't hear too much talk about it, or I haven't heard it, but I think we can become addicted to our gadgets, right? To our toys, to our gadgets, to social media, which is just an extension of, you know, you can see many of know, sadly, we're on our iPhones or our know, 6 hours a while, we're eating together and activities, and usually we're like shared communication. And so social media, too, they're on Instagram or Facebook or TikTok. And so I think because it becomes unconscious, we're not even aware that, let's say, so much of our screen time is. We're on screen time so much. And so I think it can be addictive. Plus, the way the companies are kind of creating some of these platforms, tHere's lots of reinforcements with the likes and the comments. And at this young age, they're very impressionable. They want to be liked. Right. It's all about peer support, peer approval. Right. Yeah. Belonging, all of that. So, yeah, I think it can become addictive. And oftentimes they're really not aware of it. [00:16:58] Speaker B: We've got an email question that kind of is along this line, and I'm going to just read it to you and tell me what you think. Are there apps to help monitor or give alerts about time spent in apps or social media? [00:17:16] Speaker C: Yeah, that's a really good question. I don't know one specific. I'm happy to find out. I can send you some information. I know when I use my iPhone, though, and probably other gadgets that people have, it will pop up periodically and they'll say every day something will pop up and say you've been on the screen or you've been on your phone, and it tells you every day you're using more screen time. Right. Than last week. So that could be one indicator to us that. Wait a second. It's going up. It's creeping. [00:17:46] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:17:47] Speaker C: Right. [00:17:47] Speaker B: Yeah. This same person must have a young child because they say there are APA guidelines on screen time recommendations for children. Are there any screen time recommendations for other ages than just children? I don't think there is. I'm not aware of any. Are you, Catherine? I'm not aware of any like that. That's an interesting question right there. So I don't know. That would be something maybe to look know for the APA to consider because teenagers and college students, I mean, you're kind of drifting into teenagers and then turning into college students, which is my age group, who I work with. Are there times in life when less social media should be a goal? For example, when people are grieving, stressed about work or school, or when anxious and depressed, like we talked about earlier? [00:18:49] Speaker C: Right? Sure. Yeah. I think that's a really important point that we do know. I mean, there is research. Right, that shows that the greater amount of time spent on social media, especially for the college population, teenagers, they're at greater risk of feeling more depressed and more anxiety because of all of what they're seeing and the social comparisons and things like that. So if you're already under, let's say, increased stress because of something going on at home or at school, or you've just lost somebody and you're grieving. Right. Or you just had a breakup. It really is wise and very beneficial to give yourself a break from social media and just pause it even for a week or two can make a difference. Right. Even a few days. Right. It would really be helpful. And then try to cut it down daily until you heal a little bit or you get some support and you're feeling emotionally a little bit more stable. Right. [00:19:50] Speaker B: It's strange sometimes because I'll talk to a student and it's almost like they know they should cut down. It's almost like they know that when they look at certain things, like a friend or if they're having some friend drama or something, if they look on TikTok or Instagram or whatever, there's one part of their brain that knows that it's hurting them to do that, but then the other part is like, I've got to keep doing it. I've got to keep doing it. Some do have insight, but they still don't have. I hate to say this, but it's almost like they don't have the strength to do the mental toughness to stop looking at it. [00:20:38] Speaker C: Right. Well, it's kind of similar to, we may know, like, we shouldn't eat certain foods, but yet we go and we open the refrigerator and we eat them or the cookies or whatever. So there is part of us. Right. [00:20:55] Speaker B: There's often a sense of just discipline, isn't it? [00:20:58] Speaker C: Yeah, part of it's discipline. And part of it is kind of getting a little bit going a little deeper and finding out what are the benefits that we're. What are we getting from the behavior. So on the one hand, it's making them feel worse to look at the social media, but on the other hand, they're getting something out of it and going back and back. Right. So that would be something to explore, like, well, how do you feel like it's helping you, or what are you getting from it that wants you to go back and keep looking? Even on one level, it's hurting you. Right. [00:21:30] Speaker B: Right. [00:21:32] Speaker C: There is kind of these secondary. What I like to call the secondary gains. Right. That they may not even be aware of, but it's driving them to go back. [00:21:40] Speaker B: Exactly. Right. That's the positive reinforcement. Again, the article that I mentioned that you wrote, or you were quoted in ten tips for setting boundaries online, you mentioned safety and protection as being the most important. Can you talk about that? [00:22:01] Speaker C: Yeah, sure. I think especially for teenagers and college funds college students. Right. That multiple factors in terms of safety, I mean, one of which is just many times, and even myself, maybe the both of you have had this. People befriend you all the time on social media, right? On Facebook, on Instagram. And we have no idea who these people are half the time. Right. People of the opposite sex. I mean, they could be from all over, and usually they could be older than us. So part of that is, who are these people? And also giving ourselves permission that we don't need to accept anyone's friend request, any invitation unless we feel comfortable, unless maybe somebody knows this person. So safety is just our own safety well being to protect ourself so that we physically feel safe from the person. Right. And letting somebody in our close circle, even though the other piece with social media, people often think that because they start connecting and they're talking, it builds a false sense of intimacy. So once they start sharing photos and talking, they think that this is like a friend, right. It may feel like a friend and that they really know them, but that's a misconception. That's a false sense of intimacy, and it could be risky, right. Because you really don't know this person very little about them really, because they only share what they want to share. Right. With you on social media. So it's kind of physical safety and psychological safety, I think is really important with social media and online. [00:23:44] Speaker B: Most definitely. The article that I mentioned, the ten tips for setting boundaries online, can you give some of those tips? Can you talk about those? [00:23:52] Speaker C: Yeah. So one is that just giving yourself permission to really decide, you know what, I don't feel comfortable with this person. I don't know who this person is so many times. That's a hard thing. For students especially, too. They think they should say no. Another one would be just really limiting the kind of evaluating how much time you're spending on social media and really getting a sense of what's the purpose behind it. Like what purpose is it serving for you? So then you can really recognize, okay, well, maybe it is to connect with people or to connect with my friends, but what are some other ways that can balance that out? That other ways you can connect and build relationships off of social media. Right. In person. So to find that balance, a healthy balance, and it's okay to be on social media and to enjoy that, but let's also round out and have balanced connections and relationships in other ways. [00:25:08] Speaker B: Yeah, that's a good .1 of the other articles that I read, doing some research about this is the benefit. Like, you're continuing to mention there are benefits to social media? Sure. But there's also things this article was really good about suggesting lots of other things to do instead. And you just touched on that just a little bit, like seeing somebody in person instead of just texting them or instead of just going through social media to talk to them. And the article actually broke it down. For instance, like, if you use social media to relax, then here's some alternatives to do instead of that. If you use social media to connect with others, then here's some alternatives. And then if you use social media for entertainment, then here's some alternatives. And it was really very interesting, very good suggestions. Basically just kind of like you're saying, taking a break from it. But I think some students, especially if they have a touch of social anxiety, they're going to revert to that social media because if they are truly introverted, that feeds that introversion. [00:26:27] Speaker C: Exactly. Absolutely it does. And it just kind of maintains it. [00:26:33] Speaker B: Right. [00:26:33] Speaker C: Instead of being able to get out of their comfort zone and develop that skill, overcome some of that social anxiety, it just really keeps them in that place, keeps them feeling anxious and not really having as full of enriched relationships in person and friendships that they really probably are craving. Really would like. [00:26:55] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:26:58] Speaker C: One of the boundaries around that is just seeing if they can set some time, because like you shared in the other article, there's so many other things that we can be doing with our time that would also enhance our life and make us happier. Right. And improve our mental health. So pursuing hobbies that we may have. Right. Or developing a hobby, doing fun things with our friends and making great memories with experiences like shared experiences together. Right? [00:27:28] Speaker B: Yes. [00:27:29] Speaker C: And maybe we can even join a club or a team with friends, right. And develop those parts of ourselves as well as build those relationships and doing things with our families. Right. As well as pursuing maybe we love something else. Maybe we have a dream to, who knows, become a certain, get involved in a certain profession after we graduate. So we want to learn and research more about that, those types of things, right. [00:27:58] Speaker B: That's a good suggestion. We're going to take another break right now. But when we come back, let's talk a little bit, too, about why people are afraid to set boundaries. Like what is it? Is it really that they're people pleasers and they are afraid that somebody is going to get mad at them or they're going to lose friends because of setting boundaries? So keep listening. We'll be right back. It's 90.7 the capstone. You're listening to brain matters. We'll be right back. [00:28:39] Speaker C: WVUA FM, Tuscaloosa. [00:28:42] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling, and no relationship is created between the show hosts or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863 if you are not a UA student, please contact your respective county's Cris Service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. [00:29:19] Speaker B: Hey, you're listening to brain matters and it's 90.7 the Capstone. I'm Dr. B. J. Gunther. We're talking tonight about setting boundaries with social media. Excuse me if I'm coughing a lot, I'm just getting back to work after having strep throat. You would think at my age, I would never have strep throat. I've never had strep throat before, but it was horrible and I've still got that nasty cough. So when I start talking a lot, it kind of takes my breath. So excuse me. Hopefully that'll be edited out. My guest is Dr. Dana Gianta. And we left off talking about what people can do, some tips for people who are wanting to set boundaries with social media. But my question for you, Dr. Dana, is why do you think people are so afraid of setting boundaries? Is it because they're afraid they're going to lose friends? Is it because they're people pleasers? Is it that maybe they just don't have a lot of practice with doing that and getting positive responses from setting boundaries? [00:30:22] Speaker C: Yeah, those are all three great points. And they're all the key reasons why people really struggle at all ages. Right. So it's not just all ages. I see all different age ranges, and the fear is the number one. So it's either fear of loss of the relationship, fear of threatening the relationship so the person will be angry with them, may not speak to them, may just not like it, or they're going to disappoint somebody if they set the boundary which then leads them, or they may have had a previous negative reaction in the past from when they tried. So fear of loss or some kind of change or shift in the relationship as a result of setting the boUndary. And part of it is also, as you said, they don't really know the language, so they don't really know how to set the boundary. They may want to set a boundary, but they're not sure how to go about doing it. So I like to say boundaries or skills. It's a skill, learning to set. [00:31:21] Speaker B: It is. I think it's a habit, too. You just get used to not standing up for yourself, I guess. And it's the same thing with social media, too. But I always feel like if somebody has taken the step to reach out to a therapist or counselor, then they're motivated for some sort of change and willing to try, even though it's hard. [00:31:50] Speaker C: Yes, I agree. I mean, I think that's a great step if they can, if they realize they really may be having trouble setting boundaries with social media or in relationships. Right. I think going to see a therapist or a coach or someone who can help them develop the skill and also the courage, the other piece with boundaries, it takes some courage to set them right because of what you said, the people pleasing, and especially at this age. Right. They want to be liked, they want to belong. And so when you set a boundary initially, many times people don't like it. So they're not going to. [00:32:27] Speaker B: Exactly. They're going to get mad sometimes. [00:32:31] Speaker C: They'Re likely going to get mad or they're going to try to make you feel guilty for setting the. And so then you feel bad. You come away feeling bad and guilty. Part of that, that's where the courage comes in, is to kind of stand your ground, kind of hold firm to it. If you really, you're honoring yourself, you're honoring your limits, and you're saying, I can't do this. I need this boundary, but it takes courage. And I think that's where the support of a therapist or a coach can be very helpful. [00:33:01] Speaker B: If people take a break from social media, do you think the benefits are immediate? [00:33:09] Speaker C: Probably not immediate. I guess it depends on how often they were using it and how much they were involved. But I think probably within a few days, they'd start to recognize some shift in that maybe they would feel a little bit less anxious, maybe a little bit more peace. Maybe they wouldn't be as judgmental of themselves because they're not comparing themselves every moment with other people. So I think it probably may take a few days or so, but, yeah, I think it won't take that long for them to notice. They may not be able to pinpoint what it is, but they're feeling a. [00:33:45] Speaker B: Little differently because I have had friends before who post on social media that they're taking a social media break. Do you think that's a good idea to announce it like that? What's your opinion on that? [00:34:02] Speaker C: That's funny. It could be a great, I mean, it is a great way and a very public way of setting a boundary, like letting others know I'm taking a break. [00:34:12] Speaker B: Okay. [00:34:13] Speaker C: Instead of people trying to contact them and they have to set a boundary with everybody, they're now kind of, it's like pulling a big billboard up, I guess. So not to contact me or don't expect me to get back to you. [00:34:28] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:34:28] Speaker C: Not going to answer you. [00:34:29] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:34:30] Speaker C: So I think it could be helpful. [00:34:34] Speaker B: It, it's a little bit scary. You brought up some of the risk with communicating with people you don't know on social media, and I find that, I don't know if I'm hearing that many students really talking about that, but I think it is happening, especially when they are on these dating sites. And it is a little alarming, some of the naivety that some of the students I see have. And I mean, you have to really be careful with stalkers and whatnot. Like you said, you don't know who these people are. How do you tell somebody? How do you get through to them without sounding preachy? Preachy. Do you know what I mean? [00:35:23] Speaker C: Right. You mean in terms of, like, safety or dating? [00:35:28] Speaker B: Yeah. How would I talk to one of my students without being seen as their mom and preaching to them with letting them know that it's a risk what they're doing? [00:35:40] Speaker C: Right. Yeah, I think, I hope every college, because there's lots of things that happen on college campuses, right. And then there's lots of things that stories online about what you're just describing the risks involved. So part of it would be kind of helping them, maybe collaborating with them. Do they know anybody who had something happen to them because of being connected? Somebody. Right. Maybe they have a friend or a friend of a friend to kind of start to bring it into their inner circle. Right. To make it more real for them. Because I think at this age I was myself pretty naive and very trusting. Right. I was very trusting. And so many of these young people, they're very trusting and we also think we're invincible, right. Nothing's going to happen to us. So one is to kind of make it as relatable. So do they know anybody has anything happens on campus? What are some of the red flags to kind of educate them about? What are some red flags or even orange flags in relation communication in a relationship dynamic early on? [00:36:52] Speaker B: So what are these? [00:36:54] Speaker C: So they can start to say, oh, wait a second, I don't know this person, but this is a red flag. He said this or he did this or she did that. So that can be a cue to them, right. To say, okay, this person, this may be a problem. This may not be a safe situation. So I do educate them on the red flag and also that the false sense of intimacy. So you really try to remind them you really don't know somebody. It takes four to six months to really, I kind of give that window generally four to six months to start to get to know somebody on some level. Right. The first couple of months it's very difficult because there's a good pretense. They want you to bring their best selves or they put up the photos or they interact, making themselves look very likable and tell you what you want to hear. [00:37:48] Speaker B: I think in the article you mentioned, you use the example, let me see if I can find it, because I thought it was a good analogy. You use the example that Chris Rock said. Do you know what I'm talking about? Since people usually want to present themselves in a positive light. As Chris Rock famously joked, when you meet someone for the first time, you don't meet them. You meet their representative, and it takes time for you to see their true personality. [00:38:15] Speaker C: Right, exactly. [00:38:17] Speaker B: Yes. [00:38:18] Speaker C: That is so true. Right. I mean, there's no truer words really, especially on social media. Right. Because like you said, although the people pleasing and we want to have the perfect image and the perfectionism. Right. And so then we all think we have to mimic that or live up to that. But yeah, we don't really know who's behind the face or who's behind the image. [00:38:40] Speaker B: What about the research? Do you know anything about any studies that have been done that show mental health concerns? Which mental health concerns are more prevalent with people who use social media a lot, especially college students? [00:39:00] Speaker C: Yeah, I don't know specific studies, but I will say, and I'm happy to kind of look into that and share with you, I do know that over time, I've read some, I can't recall which ones, but what I've seen, the pattern is that those who spend more time on social media have a higher risk of both anxiety or depression. So either they're going to feel more depressed and because of the self comparison. Right. Or anxious because they feel like they're not measuring up to others. Right. They're just not meeting. They're not good enough. They're not meeting the expectations. So the more time we spend, the more likely we're going to feel one of those, too. [00:39:47] Speaker B: Well, let's take our last break, and when we come back, we're going to talk about some more resources. But I've also got a very long question for you, so it might take me a few minutes to read that, but it's a good question, so hang tight. You're listening to brain matters on 90.7 the Capstone Tuscaloosa. [00:40:16] Speaker A: This show is not a substitute for professional counseling, and no relationship is created between the show hosts or guests and any listener. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, we encourage you to contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863 if you are not a UA student, please contact your respective county's CrIS Service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company. If it is an emergency situation, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. [00:40:56] Speaker B: Matters on 90.7 the Capstone. I'm Dr. B. J. Gunther. We're talking tonight about setting boundaries with social media, which I know it's so hard to do. I love my Instagram, I love my Facebook, and so I know it's hard to do. And like Dr. Dana Gianta, she's my guest tonight. She's a psychologist, a life coach, a speaker, an author. She mentioned earlier, know, we all have that box that pops up and tells us how long we've been using social media throughout the week or daily. And it's shocking sometimes. I'm not going to lie. Mine is shocking. Sometimes I'm like, oh, I shouldn't be doing that. Oh, my gosh. One more very long question this person asked. I've worked with a large number of college students who've reported that they feel worse about themselves and their own lives when they compare themselves to others. Frequently on social media, which you've just mentioned, they also feel like they are supposed to wake up and look like someone who is using filters and spent 3 hours on their makeup or are living exciting lives and traveling all the time. What advice would you give to those college students? Which healthy boundaries would be most beneficial for those students? [00:42:12] Speaker C: Right. [00:42:13] Speaker B: We've kind of answered that somewhat, yeah. [00:42:17] Speaker C: I think the more the students can also educate themselves. Just like you hear models, everybody looks at the models and they say they're just gorgeous. But to go behind the scenes, so read articles, right. And recognize there's filters being used, this is not a person really looks, right. So to kind of help the students recognize this is not really the truth, right. [00:42:43] Speaker B: It's not real. [00:42:43] Speaker C: It's not real. So they're not looking much. They're not falling so far short of these people that they're seeing, right. Because there is lots of artificial means going on. And the other part is, in terms of it, they're seeing them a lot of traveling and having such exciting lives to recognize. Again, that's only a very small fraction, generally, right. Of what is real. And to kind of see that they're often posting things to make their lives and to make them seem like they're having exciting, wonderful lives. [00:43:21] Speaker B: Right. How can family or friends, if you notice that someone's using social media too much, how can you help somebody? What are your suggestions for helping them? [00:43:33] Speaker C: Yeah, I think it's to bring it to their attention and in a very compassionate, kind, loving way. I'm concerned about the time that I noticed you're spending on your phone or on social media, and I think it may be affecting your mood and then share how you think it's impacting them. Right? [00:43:57] Speaker B: Yeah, I think you have to at some point. [00:43:59] Speaker C: Yes, I think you have. Be specific. Right. And be compassionate about it, not judgmental or punitive. And then say. And then ask them what are their thoughts? Have you noticed this? What's your understanding? Do you think the time has kind of creeped up because there is social media creep. Really? Whatever you or social media, what do you kind of call it? It's insidious. We don't realize how much time we're kind of spending and ask them. Maybe you want to keep a little bit more track of the time and see if there's ways you can cut down and then maybe as family, collaborate or brainstorm with the student. Right. What are some ways we can cut down and what could you replace your social media time? [00:44:43] Speaker B: That's a great idea. Yes. [00:44:46] Speaker C: What can you replace it with? Right. Incrementally cut it down. Just like when we're trying to change sleep or any other behavior. So if you're normally on social media 3 hours a day, see if you can bring it down to two and a half. And then what can you replace that extra half an hour? What can you do, right. That would be different. That would lift your mood. Right. Make you feel a little bit better about yourself and connected. Yeah, that's good. [00:45:11] Speaker B: Those are good suggestions. Before we finish, before we close, do you have any ideas or any suggestions for resources, like maybe books or apps even, or anything on social media to help with setting boundaries? [00:45:28] Speaker C: Yeah, besides you mentioned. Yeah, of course. I think the more you can learn about boundaries in general, just the skill of setting boundaries, I think that will help you in every area, including social media and online. So there are some good resources. I don't really know of any apps right now, but maybe that's something that we could look into and we can share in your notes, but I'm sure. [00:45:55] Speaker B: They have them out there, don't you think? I mean, some of what you've talked about is basically just basic setting boundaries. Like with anything, you could utilize it with the social media. It's still good strategies to help with anything. That's why in your book you mentioned the chapter on setting boundaries so that can be used with like family, friends, social media. What else can. [00:46:24] Speaker C: In the workplace with friends? In the book, there's also a chapter on boundaries and online being online and how to set boundaries with your online presence. And also I have a newsletter. They're welcome to join. I put it out every two weeks and they could go onto my homepage and sign up to my newsletter. But I talk about setting boundaries and how to develop that skill and about well being and also courage, courageous changes and having adventures, but using and doing things that require courage to help us grow and be able to become better at setting boundaries. [00:47:01] Speaker B: How do people access the newsletter? [00:47:05] Speaker C: They can go on to my website, which is WW dot mynamedanagianta.com. And on the home page, you just scroll down and it'll share my sign up for the newsletter. [00:47:20] Speaker B: Okay. [00:47:24] Speaker C: There's also on the website, it's a boundary. On the Boundaries page, there's boundaries infographic. So it's eight steps to set boundaries. And they can put their name in there. They can get an infographic which shows these eight steps on how to set boundaries. [00:47:39] Speaker B: Oh, cool. I need that. I need to print that off. Yeah. And put it right here on my desk in my office for students. [00:47:45] Speaker C: Yeah, no, absolutely. I can send you. There's a link I have, actually. I can send it to you and they can sign up that way or you can sign up and just download it. [00:47:56] Speaker B: That'd be great. Thank you so much. I appreciate you being. I know you're in Las Vegas and I'm envious. And it's 2 hours. Is it 2 hours behind us? So it's actual 2 hours? Is it 253 there? [00:48:10] Speaker C: Yeah, exactly. [00:48:12] Speaker B: That seems like such a long time ago here, because it's getting dark here. You can see Catherine behind. [00:48:17] Speaker C: I can see the light here. [00:48:21] Speaker B: So thank you so much for this, for being on the show. I told you it would go by fast, and I didn't have too much of a coughing fit, so we made great. [00:48:31] Speaker C: Yeah. So happy to be here. It was such a great topic. So I love that you're doing it. And hopefully this will help some students. [00:48:40] Speaker B: Yes, hopefully this will start some conversations with maybe people actually looking at how many hours they are spending. Because it is shocking sometimes. [00:48:48] Speaker C: It really is like a know. Exactly. [00:48:53] Speaker B: Let me make a few announcements before we go. Don't forget, our shows are recorded and podcasted on the Apple Podcast, audioboom.com, and Voices Ua.edu. Just type in brain matters and you'll find some of our past shows. There's also a link to Voices ua.edu on the counseling center's website at counseling Ua.edu. I always like to thank some people who made our show possible. And the first one is our executive director here at the Counseling center, Dr. Greg Vanderwald, my producer Catherine Howell, my colleagues at the counseling center, the WBUA staff who edit our show every week, and of course, my guest tonight, Dr. Dana Gianta. And don't forget, next week we're going to have a show. I think it's pertinent and it's timely because we've only got a couple more shows, but this show is going to be titled Grief during the holidays. I don't know if we've ever done we've done shows on grief and managing your mental health issues during the holidays, but I don't think we've ever done one on grief during the holidays. So don't forget to tune in. Join us here at the same time, same place next week. Thanks again for listening and have. [00:50:11] Speaker C: This. [00:50:12] Speaker A: Show was not intended as a substitute for professional counseling. Further, the views, opinions and conclusions expressed by the show hosts or their guests are their own and not necessarily those of the University of Alabama, its officers or trustees. Any views, opinion or conclusions shared on the show do not create a relationship between the host or any guest and any listener, and such a relationship should never be inferred. If you feel you are in need of professional mental health and are a UA student, please contact the UA Counseling center at 348-3863 if you are not a UA student, please contact your respective county's CRIS Service hotline or their local mental health agency or insurance company.